I'm not done yet

A decade ago, prior to an ACL reconstruction, a battle with cancer, and several medication related setbacks, I used to workout 5 days weekly. It consisted mostly of weight work with a little cardio thrown in for stamina. My body weight was lower then, than now and I could bench press more than I weighed. I could do squats, leg press, played tennis, and golfed. Not so much now.

However, I am bringing back a theme which was forgotten in my last post. Hope. I forgot that despite having a learning disability, I graduated high school with honors and college with a 3.2 GPA. I forgot that despite attempting suicide 3 times coupled with an anxiety disorder, I recognized the problem and sought out help. And I forgot that despite being diagnosed with a rare life-threatening lymphoma and was all but read my last rites during treatment, I survived.

This past Thursday, I went for my post-op follow-up. They removed the stitches and showed me 25-30 images from the interior of both my knees. Pictures were pretty graphic and I saw the cartilage actually hanging from my femurs. Besides removing both pieces of peeled cartilage from the knees, he also removed bone fragments and debris. It was a mess. Then we discussed the future because I can feel the bone rubbing on bone, can’t do quad lifts, or stairs without discomfort and pain.

What now?

I read up on core decompression surgery, but my necrosis is too advanced for such a procedure. Also, the reason he couldn’t perform the bone grafting. So, I start physical therapy in 10 days. We will try and strength my legs to delay the eventual double knee replacement. Until therapy starts, I have found new ways to maneuver stairs, driving, sitting down, and standing up. Not ideal, but we adapt or die.

My goal is to maximize my time in physical therapy. It can only benefit me. I still aspire to run or walk a 5K. I aspire to golf again and to walk the course not drive. I miss weight lifting and the rush that follows.

I can’t promise not to complain. I will promise to not give up. I will put in the work. When needed, I will go back under the knife. Until then, I will continue to fight to survive.

Cheers.