Allow me to indulge myself and then proceed to another topic. As my 2nd birthday passed by, I can’t help but see how far I’ve come and yet how far I still need to go. Some conditions get better. Some stay the same. Some get worse. Some are just starting.
The lymphoma is in complete remission. My blood work looks stable aside from some heightened kidney functions and low platelets. Although, my legs are strengthening the knee joint itself continues to weaken and get worse. It will require a total knee replacement at some point in time. Lastly, the IV port (placed on May 14, 2008) is finally failing and needs to be replaced. This will require a minor surgery to remove and insert a new port. For the average patient, a ½ inch incision is a 2-3 week healing process. For me, it is a 2-3 month healing process, with a high risk of infection.
In better news, Wednesday Nov 3rd I will take my Reiki 1 attunement. I’ve been receiving Reiki healing for several months and am now ready to start practicing myself. November will be busy. Besides Thanksgiving being my favorite holiday, my divorce hearing is finally scheduled for Nov 19th and my baby boy’s 4th birthday is Nov 21st. Things happen in threes. These will be three events to celebrate. Thanksgiving is just a great bonus!
Yesterday, hospice was called in to attend to my uncle. Uncle Harvey (my father’s only brother) has been fighting renal cancer for close to 2 years now. Unfortunately, it looks like the fight is coming to an end. There is nothing I can do to stop the inevitable and after seeing him a few months back, I can’t bring myself to see him again under these conditions.
Some may call me a coward or weak. I understand the need to be surrounded my loved ones in a time of need but it hits too close to home for me to be with him now. It sounds horrible but I’ve made my peace. I can’t witness him now, without visioning myself in his place. My father understands my feelings and I hope the rest of my family does as well.
When my uncle moves on, it will not be easy for me. As the appointed Chaplain of my lodge, I will be required to do ritual work at the funeral ceremony. I am hoping to find the strength for my uncle, my lodge, my family, and myself to fulfill this obligation. My uncle enjoyed Masonry and wished he could have been more involved. I know he was proud to hear of my raising and appointment as Lodge Chaplain. If only in death, I hope to honor our brotherhood as Masons at his funeral, so he can see me one last time in full tuxedo, apron, and jewel of my profession.
To all those, who sent prayers and gave their well wishes to my uncle, I thank you. Only one person knows how long we have in this life. We just need to make the most out of that short time we’re given.
Two other quick thoughts. My father is going in to the hospital Tuesday for his 3rd catherization and stent-placement in the past month. Hopefully, third time is a charm and his cardiologist will finally provide him with some much-needed relief. Also, I want to congratulate my brother on being nominated and winning the David AG award at Wash U. It is a prestigious award only given out to 10 recipients of the hospital each year. It is a great honor and I couldn’t be more proud.
Best Wishes to all on Halloween. This message is not meant to be scary, just honest.
~Cheers
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Reflections
There are all sort of calendars and birthdays. For instance, I celebrate 3 birthdays. On May 19th, I celebrate my actual birth into existence. November 18th is my Masonic birthday. The day of which I was raised to the Master Mason level of Free Masonry. And lastly, October 23rd…my 2nd birthday since receiving stem cells in 2008. As this date is rapidly approaching, I feel it is time to reflect on my past year’s events and progress as well as setbacks.
Thankfully, I no longer wear a surgical mask or gloves when leaving the house. I can freely attend parties, visit the mall, movies, restaurants and even travel on public transportation, subways, buses, boats, and airplanes. My oncologists still advise me to visit and travel these places during lower traffic hours, as my immune system will always be compromised. That is where good ole’ fashioned common sense comes into play.
I was able to participate in Gabriel’s Halloween parade and his 3rd birthday party. I went on field trips with this school. I read his class books and attended Father’s day and other school events. We met Santa Claus together and went on 2 duck tours. I watched him learn how to write his name, order for himself at a restaurant, become potty trained, built Lego towers taller than me, and just enjoy being a kid, playful and free.
I got on a plane for the first time in 2 years and traveled to St. Louis to visit my brother, Beau, and his family. He allowed me to get drunk, no matter how obnoxious I became. He introduced me to his Methodist church and took me to an awesome Mongolian grill and kick-butt Super Bowl party.
Proudly, I was raised to the 3rd degree of Free Masonry by my father. It was an honor for him to do so and now I sit beside him in the East of our lodge as Master and Chaplain. The Free Masons are an unbelievable group. Sad to think, that if I had never gotten sick, I would not have had the time nor inclination to get involved. Some things do happen for a reason and I am thankful for this one.
I have attempted to be here for my parents as they are ill as well. I know they take allot of verbal abuse from me and I need to find a better outlet for my ongoing frustrations. They both do so much to help me on a daily basis from dealing with Gabe, feeding me, and not to mention giving me a place to sleep. Perhaps my newest endeavour into the world of Reiki will calm my nerves, so I may focus my energy on positive thoughts and stop taking life out on the one‘s I love.
Lastly, my health is what it is. Blood work is stable for the first time in 2 years. My overall cholesterol is the best it has been in a decade. I have a left knee that will undoubtedly need to replaced at some point in the near future. My back compensates for the balky knee causing daily pain. However, given these physical setbacks, I am mentally strong and ready to take on the world.
On November 4th, there is a hearing date in front a judge for my divorce. Gabe will always be my son but his mother and I can finally move on with our individual lives. My life…what will I do with the time I am now given?
As I mentioned, I am beginning Reiki 1. I am compiling my journal and blog entries into an eventual book. I continue to create and try new recipes for another eventual cook book (possibly co-written with my mother). I aspire to be a better father, son, brother, co-worker, friend, and person. Nothing in life is set in stone, but if you are waiting for a hand out…you might as well just step out of line.
I wish all my family and friends a happy fall season. This is the best time of the year. Best foods, cool weather, outdoor fire pits, changing of the trees, good times and good friends.
~Cheers
Thankfully, I no longer wear a surgical mask or gloves when leaving the house. I can freely attend parties, visit the mall, movies, restaurants and even travel on public transportation, subways, buses, boats, and airplanes. My oncologists still advise me to visit and travel these places during lower traffic hours, as my immune system will always be compromised. That is where good ole’ fashioned common sense comes into play.
I was able to participate in Gabriel’s Halloween parade and his 3rd birthday party. I went on field trips with this school. I read his class books and attended Father’s day and other school events. We met Santa Claus together and went on 2 duck tours. I watched him learn how to write his name, order for himself at a restaurant, become potty trained, built Lego towers taller than me, and just enjoy being a kid, playful and free.
I got on a plane for the first time in 2 years and traveled to St. Louis to visit my brother, Beau, and his family. He allowed me to get drunk, no matter how obnoxious I became. He introduced me to his Methodist church and took me to an awesome Mongolian grill and kick-butt Super Bowl party.
Proudly, I was raised to the 3rd degree of Free Masonry by my father. It was an honor for him to do so and now I sit beside him in the East of our lodge as Master and Chaplain. The Free Masons are an unbelievable group. Sad to think, that if I had never gotten sick, I would not have had the time nor inclination to get involved. Some things do happen for a reason and I am thankful for this one.
I have attempted to be here for my parents as they are ill as well. I know they take allot of verbal abuse from me and I need to find a better outlet for my ongoing frustrations. They both do so much to help me on a daily basis from dealing with Gabe, feeding me, and not to mention giving me a place to sleep. Perhaps my newest endeavour into the world of Reiki will calm my nerves, so I may focus my energy on positive thoughts and stop taking life out on the one‘s I love.
Lastly, my health is what it is. Blood work is stable for the first time in 2 years. My overall cholesterol is the best it has been in a decade. I have a left knee that will undoubtedly need to replaced at some point in the near future. My back compensates for the balky knee causing daily pain. However, given these physical setbacks, I am mentally strong and ready to take on the world.
On November 4th, there is a hearing date in front a judge for my divorce. Gabe will always be my son but his mother and I can finally move on with our individual lives. My life…what will I do with the time I am now given?
As I mentioned, I am beginning Reiki 1. I am compiling my journal and blog entries into an eventual book. I continue to create and try new recipes for another eventual cook book (possibly co-written with my mother). I aspire to be a better father, son, brother, co-worker, friend, and person. Nothing in life is set in stone, but if you are waiting for a hand out…you might as well just step out of line.
I wish all my family and friends a happy fall season. This is the best time of the year. Best foods, cool weather, outdoor fire pits, changing of the trees, good times and good friends.
~Cheers
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