An Evening Rant

The past week has been painful and uncomfortable. Not since my knee replacement have I needed to take so much pain medication. Aleve. Oxycodone. Even Morphine. Nothing gives me enough relief for a decent night’s sleep or close to a pain-free day.

Right hip replacement surgery is scheduled for late June. Once that is done, what next? Right knee replacement? Left hip replacement?

It is hard “making the best of things”, when there is constant pain. When does my physical pain end? I don’t want to rely on Social Security to survive. I don’t want to live with my parents because I can’t take care of myself. I don’t want to feel like my days are passing with no meaning.

I want attention. I think everyone does. Shit. I even took on a position in lodge to help and in some demented way feel needed. Unfortunately, my position is underappreciated and its importance overlooked.

What really upsets me is the appeal process with Social Security for disability benefits. I am completing all the same paperwork as in January and they denied me then. Why should this time be different? I’m royally screwed if I lose this appeal. I can’t physically or mentally hold down a full time job right now. It would be impossible.

Too many people recently mention how life is unfair. When my lymphoma went into remission, I thought my unfair days were behind me. I was wrong. Seems the cure has left me worse off than the disease. All I have now are more bills, more pain, and fewer friends.

Venting is healthy. Thank you to those who stand by my side.

Cheers.