Coming Home Again

Who says you can never go home? I’ve done it several times in the past. Thanks to my parents I have always had that option. I came home after college. I came home after a failed apartment experiment. And most recently I came home after a failed marriage.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my parents for their continued love and support throughout all my endeavors in life. They’ve dealt with my best on the stage, on the field, in high school, in college, at the workplace and my worst with relationships, my struggles with teenage angst, depression, suicide, and cancer.

Several of my supporters have asked me to write about a topic I wasn’t truly ready to tackle. For the love of my son Gabriel, I won’t go into great detail and will keep this somewhat short.

Let me say I have no regrets In life, but Lord knows, I have made my fair share mistakes. Just a few being attempting suicide in high school, attacking a friend in college, buying a house far out of my financial means and my marriage. Hindsight is always 20/20 and you can‘t change the past. All we can do is learn from it.

My wife and I were engaged three months before finding out we were pregnant with our first and only child, Gabriel. His due date and our wedding date were set only weeks apart. So, we cancelled our wedding plans, got back what deposits we could, flew out to Las Vegas on May 21, 2006 and got hitched. On November 21st of that same year, Gabriel was born.

Less than three years after our Las Vegas marriage, my wife asked for a divorce. There are many reasons she asked for a divorce and I know my sickness was one of them. Life hasn’t been easy for me but I know it must not have been easy for her either, dealing with someone sick on a daily basis for 10 months. Going in and out of Boston for treatments. Taking care of a toddler by herself while I lay in a hospital bed. Living with someone who didn’t share compassion and had all but lost his passion for life.

Perhaps, I am naïve but I always thought marriage was taking the good with the bad. Sickness and health. Richer or poorer. Until death due us part. I now know this is just rhetoric and doesn’t mean much. I actually had to keep myself from laughing at a recent wedding when I heard these vows repeated by the bride and groom. How sad is that?

And despite everything that’s happened, I still believe in love and would like to find my happy ending. My happily ever after. But I realize, it won’t come from someone else. I need to find my own happiness as does everyone. Whether it is cooking, sewing, music, art, religion, exercise or doing nothing at all. If you can’t make yourself smile, don’t expect someone else too.

I love my son so much I am not going to divulge anymore of my feelings here. I could go on for much, much longer, but I’ll keep my harsher feelings on this matter between me, my journal, and my counselor.

Thank you again for taking the time to read. I still have so much to say but am so unorganized. Stay with me. There is MUCH more to come.

~Cheers